Travis and I have talked about getting married for a long time. In fact when I told one of my aunts (the one I see the most) that we were engaged, she had a kind of "so what" attitude, explaining, "I thought it was already a done deal." He's called me his wife several times over the last couple years, and we've had serious discussions about where we want our wedding and what we're going to do about children. But although we've long had the intention of one day getting married, Travis has always said he wanted to do it in five to ten years, instead of one to two, which is what I always preferred.
In January, however, we had our third anniversary, and Travis made a comment about how three years is a really long time. I replied, "Yeah, and you're talking about waiting another FIVE before we get married." He casually responded, "OK, we can do it in a year. A year sounds good." I'd been asking him if he planned on formally proposing and he said he did, but we agreed he needed to wait until he moved out of his parents' house. We'd intended for a long time for him to move into my house, but the date kept being pushed back due to my roommate's ever-fluctuating plans to move out.
I saw my parents in March and my sister spilled the beans that my mom had been wondering if Travis and I were going to get married. I said, "Yeah, of course," and proceeded to have a long conversation with everyone about what kind of wedding I want. When I told my family what Travis had said in January, my dad said, "That sounds like a proposal to me." The next morning I woke up before everyone else and started making a guest list.
Later in the month, Travis and I were cleaning up after making dinner and our conversation was of such a tone that I wondered if we were finally just agreeing to get engaged. I'm not even sure what we said, but it seemed so serious and solemn, like we were on the brink of a quiet epiphany. After some ambiguity I asked, "Do you want to just agree on it rather than you proposing?" and he quickly said no, he wanted to wait.
At the end of March, Travis invited his parents out to brunch with us. He said on the phone to his mother that we could talk about "moving out... moving in... marriage..." She responded excitedly, "Marriage?!" And I groaned, "Oh, don't say that to her," not wanting to get her all worked up. But the day before brunch we were talking about getting married again. I was giving Travis pointers on how to propose, saying he should buy a big, gaudy cubic zirconia for the actual act and then we could go pick out real rings together afterwards. He wasn't interested in that idea. I told him I wanted my ring to be from Kiss My Ring, a shop on San Pablo in Berkeley. He asked if I thought it was open the next day.
The next day at brunch Travis' mother eventually asked knowingly, "So, what did you want to talk about?" I rushed to set her straight: there had been no formal talk of marriage, we were not announcing our engagement. She was visibly disappointed. I started going on about the kind of wedding I wanted, told her we were supposed to wait to get engaged until he moved out of her house, and said we'd probably just agree to be engaged instead of Travis actually proposing. She insisted that he had to ask, we weren't allowed to just agree on it. I had to apologize to her several times for letting Travis get her hopes up.
Back at home that day, I brought up the fact that he had asked about Kiss My Ring. I asked him if he wanted to check and see if it was open. He was the very definition of ambivalent. I suggested we just go and see what they had. He very firmly replied that if we went there, we were going to buy something. I replied just as firmly that if we bought something, that meant we were engaged.
We walked to the shop and Travis invited me to explore. When we told the owner we were looking for engagement rings, she brought over one for Travis to try on. He was immediately sold. We sat down with a handful of rings and spent time making a decision about what each of us would wear. I reminded Travis that if we bought anything, we'd be engaged, and I insisted that he officially propose to me once we were out of the shop. He was too nervous to do it right outside the door, but he let me tell him what he should say.
On the walk back home, we reviewed the script, and when we got to the steps of my house, I pronounced that now was the time. I told him to take out my engagement ring, and he had a difficult time opening up the pouch it was in and wanted me to help him, but I stood with my back to him, coyly waiting. I stood on the steps and he got down on one knee. He was incredibly awkward and I was reminded of our first date. He wouldn't make eye contact, he was shifty. I don't remember exactly what he said, though I'm sure he started with "What?" like he always does when he's about to do something he's nervous about. "Will you, Kasey P. Lindsay, marry me?" I said yes. He awkwardly put my ring on my finger. We hugged. Then I reminded him there was more. I had instructed him to say, "I will never leave your side," which is basically what my engagement ring says. So he threw that in there, unemotionally.
Once we got inside, I told him he had to call his mother right away and give her the good news!
In the hours that followed, I was very nervous. I felt like the girl who cried "Engagement!" That we were just playing at being grown-ups and we were going to take it back right away. But I've settled into it. Today I was day dreaming about taking care of him when he's old, renewing our vows, having our 50th wedding anniversary and all the progeny that would be at such a party.
It was an unconventional proposal, but I think it suits us. And it was nice to see, after three years, the man I met and was oddly drawn to on January 6th, 2008: so awkward, but so endearing, and so just what I need.
